Have you ever just had a moment that you just felt completely drained of everything?!?! It could be because of something a person did or said to you, something that happened at work or school, or even just your own thoughts getting to you. Something that made you question your entire existence.
Until this post I was actually feeling this way. My blog view numbers seemed to be decreasing instead of increasing, the number of likes on my Facebook page seem to only go up one person every six months, I had personal things going on, etc. I actually told my sister that I was quitting my blog and I was done with it forever. I feel like it's not going to really grow like I want until I am able to really invest good money into it but I just don't have that right now to even do it.
But, I got some inspiration and even though I'm still not 100% into it yet I had to push myself a little bit. Yesterday, my Pastor/Uncle, Pastor Rodney Payne , preached a sermon, "You can handle it" based from Philippians 4:10-13. One of the things he said really hit me hard...
"Don't be confused by Quantity"
I have prayed quite a bit about my blog and that it will really just be what God wants it to be. I know that He gave this gift and this vision for a reason and it wasn't just to be writing. I feel that every time I pray about it the answer is to remember what I started this for...it wasn't to make millions of dollars, it wasn't to be famous. It was to inspire others and to provide a safe and transparent place for people to see that they aren't the only ones dealing with whatever they have going on in their life.
I was also inspired by this post on the blog, As Told by Sid. In the post she shared that she felt abandoned by two people she cared about on the same day. She said that now that she has been able to move past the hurt of that she would love to be able to tell them thank you because their abandonment has helped her grow and flourish.
Seeing these things one day after the other reminded me that even though I experience hurt, disappointment, and so many other emotions one thing has to remain...I have to get BACK TO POPPIN'! It's okay to feel down for a period of time, sometimes you will feel like giving up on everything completely, it's okay to work through those feelings. Even though it doesn't feel good, it is natural and a part of life. As long as we eventually get back up and walk again falling down is not a bad thing.
So, what does getting "back to poppin'" look like? Getting back to poppin' remembering who you are and whose you are. Getting back to poppin' is picking yourself back up, dusting yourself off, adjusting your crown, and getting back to what you know and what you love. It is getting your confidence back. It is in the words of one of my favorite rappers, Big Sean, "last night took a L but tonight I bounce back"!
I couldn't actually stay away from writing if I tried. It is actually how I get through things so refusing to write meant that what was going on was pretty serious but it even felt crazy when I said it to my sister. There will be things throughout the rest of your life that seem like they will completely destroy you but "will you let it?" is the question.