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  • Writer's pictureKhia

Just Let Me Grieve

Have you ever been dealing with something that is major to you but other people try to tell you how you should be dealing with it?

This makes me sick!!!

This may sound a little ranty but, well...that's because it is.

Sure, we've all been on both sides...your girl finally dumps a loser but she's talking about how she stills misses him and you're just looking at her like..

Then when it's finally your turn you expect her to be understanding. LOL.


Okay, let's get serious for a second...

Everyone deals with different things in a different way and people really have the nerve to try to dictate how you feel about something.

He was a loser so why can't you just get over it?

That was 5 years ago, you're still holding on to that?

It was just fill in the blank , it's not that big of a deal.

Where does this sense of entitlement come from?

Until you have been in someone's shoes (not just experienced a similar thing in your own way) you have no right to tell them how or when they should be "over" something.

So for those of you who are dealing with this in your own circle let me be your BFF real quick... 1. It's okay to not be okay

This is one of the most difficult things I have had to face on my own. Others can really make us feel like we have to be strong for them but never take the time to really understand what's going on with us. That's not healthy sis. If you're not okay today that is completely fine No one is okay all the time, that's not human. We all go through ups and downs. I know that all too well. I actually dealt with this recently. I was on the phone with someone having a great conversation - happy, joking, laughing then I saw something that caused a reaction, and the person got upset because I couldn't focus on our conversation and be okay. They later apologized because they realized that it wasn't right but still... You don't have to be okay for other people. You have a right to process things in a way that helps you move through it. Don't let the pressure of others make things worse for you. I have learned to embrace the good days where I am feeling fine and on the days that I'm not I allow myself to let those emotions out.

2. Take your time

Like I said before people will always try to put a limit on your grieving or whatever it is that you are going through...they don't have that right. There may even be times that you thought you were completely over it but find yourself still reacting to things related to that situation. It's okay! There is no set timeline that you have to follow. Don't rush your process because it is making others feel are only doing yourself a disservice that way.

3. Vent

Find you someone (feel free to email me at if you don't have anyone) that you can be 100% honest with about your feelings. This can be very hard but you can't keep it to yourself all of the time. I honestly struggle with this a lot because like I said certain things people just don't understand until they have been through it. And, they may have been through the same thing but not with your same emotions, attachments, and struggles. You may have gone through a break up but until you can feel the love and the exact feelings that I had for that person you won't truly know what I am going through. People can be so judgmental that it makes it hard to be honest about your feelings. It may be helpful to talk to someone outside of your circle that can truly be mutual (like a therapist) because even the people who you feel like you can be honest with most of the times sometimes allow their personal feelings about you get in the way. For instance, I love my sisters- so my desire for them to have the absolute best can sometimes overpower my ability to be the best, unbiased listener. I have very, very few people that I am close to that I can do this with and sometimes I feel like I can't with those people.

If you are a person that thinks more about how someone else's situation makes you feel than how they feel...STOP IT RIGHT NOW! There are certain people that I don't talk to about anything personal for that very reason. They just can't seem to separate themselves enough to just be a listening ear. It's not about you. Yea, maybe it hurts you or you're disappointed or whatever but that is not your time to make them feel guilty. It is hard enough going through a tough situation, already feeling alone, then for someone to make you feel bad about something you're dealing with is the worst! Be sensitive to their needs and feelings.

What have been your experiences with this and how do you manage it? Share below!

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