• Khia

The Pain of The Process

I can't even count how many times I have heard "trust the process" over the past few weeks! It seems to be the motto for a lot of us for 2018 and while it is my motto as well we need to get real for a second.


People have the tendency to make it sound so easy...just sit back and enjoy the journey, trust the process, things will get better. But, what about the days that you've cried so much that you can't even see that you are in a "process" anymore.

Speaking from a Christian perspective I believe that Christians are the worst at trying so hard to simplify things rather than being real about the emotions that we deal with. We try to act so hard in front of each other like we have it all together when we are all equally hurting or have felt the same way at some point. We have one good day and want to look at others like, "you're still crying over that?!". It's not right. It's lonely enough already...the judgment really isn't needed.

One of the Scriptures that is always used when we are going through a hard time is 1 Peter 4:12-14.

Now, I am not at all saying that I disagree with these Scriptures. What I am saying is that I wish more Christians would be honest about the fact that they are not always in that space when their world seems to be falling apart. 

This "process" that everyone is talking about is imperative for our growth, there is no doubt about that. If you are going to move from complacency, if you are going to change any behaviors, or mature at all there are some things you are going to have to endure and it is going to hurt like hell!!!

So, why is that and how do we get through it?

The Why

The number one reason why is because unfortunately we are extremely disobedient people. For whatever reason it takes most of really banging our head hard before we finally learn a lesson enough to never turn back. Especially if it is making us turn away from something we really desire for our own selfish reasons.  

I often hear life's growing pains parallelled with child birth and the making of diamonds. Childbirth: everyone knows that it is painful but I've been told by some women that once they held their baby all they could focus on was the beauty of what came out of the pain and they hardly even remember what the pain was like, other than the fact that it was painful. Diamonds: Coal must endure high pressure and high temperatures to become diamonds.  I don't think many people focus on the coal that the diamond came from. We don't even refer to it as coal once it is transformed...it's easy to forget that it was once something under appreciated by most. Face it, unless you are a miner or something like that you don't marvel at coal the same way you do a diamond. 

God has the same plans for us...once we get through the pressure, once we survive the high temps people can't help but to see the beautiful thing that came from God's handiwork. Of course there will still be haters but why are they hating? Because they see how beautiful and exquisite God has made you. They are bemused over how you could make it through what seemed impossible and come out shining. 


While I am still going through a major, and probably the most difficult, process in my life, I can only tell you what I have been doing. The first step in getting through this is telling yourself that it is okay to have bad days. No matter how long it has been that you have been struggling to get over something, whether that is a breakup, the loss of a job, or any other situation that you view as a setback. Bad days are going to come, unfortunately it is inevitable. But, by being dishonest with yourself you are only doing a injustice to yourself. Eventually it is going to come out so just let it out now. Need to cry? Cry. Need to scream? Scream. Whatever you need to do to get through those bad days...do it! And do not beat yourself up over it. I am the worst at this...I hate crying...I've always felt like it made me weak, but sometimes it is necessary.