• Khia

Boys will be...Held Responsible

"Boys will be boys"

I don't think there is another expression that annoys me more than this. I don't even know who started this ignorant foolishness but I'm sure it was some man not mature enough to take responsibility for his own actions. I'm angry that society has let it hang on for this long, but then again we live in a patriarchal society that voted in a sexist pig as yall's president so how would it go away. We often hear this saying when little boys are doing odd things that girls typically either are not interested in doing or are just corrected on it more quickly. Like playing in mud, being aggressive, wiping their boogers on people, RUNNING A MUCK!

So, why is this an issue? Well, these little boys grow up to be men that believe their behavior is always acceptable because they are of the male species.

It's really a sick cycle. Boys are taught that they can cheat on their significant others, say whatever they want as long as they give an apology afterwards (it doesn't even have to be genuine), they can take sex from girls who say no...all of these privileges just because they were born male. Don't believe me? Watch this.

I have seen a couple of videos over the past couple of weeks about men cheating and I want you to watch them closely and listen to what is being said.

Video 1: The beginning of the video shows Jeff Johnson, who is known for providing relationship advice among other things, basically saying that he cheated because he married a "meanwhile chick". Derrick Jaxn, known on social media for bustin' men's game and standing up for women, is explaining why this is wrong.

Before I weigh in on the video here is video 2: A clip from Steve Harvey's talk show.

In both videos I agree with the points that men never seem to take responsibility for their own actions. It is always what the woman did wrong or could have done differently. Now, Jeff kind of tried to admit his own fault but it was like, she was the meanwhile chick and yea it was my fault for marrying her but that's it. Never was it that he should have ended the relationship, it came off as a justification. Steve tried to clarify his words at the very end of his video but if you listen at 3:30 he says that if a woman is not giving him 3/3 things in a relationship he is going to cheat. Once again putting the blame on her.

If you know me you know that I love R&B singer Sevyn Streeter. Well, on her 2015 album, Shoulda Been There, Pt. 1 she features a lot of interludes that involve conversations amongst herself and her friends about different relationship topics. On one of the interludes she asks how many times a man should be forgiven for cheating and her male friend responds, "Infinite" very intently. Do you know how furious I was when I heard this?! But this is really what men think. That they should be able to do whatever they want to a woman and she is supposed to continue forgiving him to prove that she loves him. And don't make him jump through any hoops to prove his love! "Didn't I say I was sorry?!" "We talked about this already." "Why can't you just let that go?!" The minute she does anything wrong...out the door he goes, either leaving the relationship or cheating, with her being the reason.

Guys are expected to be given time to play. A "fear of commitment" is a normalized thing in our society. What you scared for?! Lol. And it's only because monogamy and commitment are spoken so spoken negatively about so much amongst men. They get taunted for being "whipped" when really it's just loving his woman the way he is supposed to. Boys (not men) run from marriage like it's a plague but it is embedded into girls' heads from birth basically that marriage should be a priority for her and she is groomed for being a good wife from the beginning. When do boys get taught about being good husbands? Even good boyfriends?

There is a show on WeTv called, Hustle & Soul. It is supposed to be about this black owned restaurant but every single commercial that I have seen for it and in the couple of episodes that I have watched has centered around the owner sleeping with all these different women. What does this have to do with your cooking?! And the women end being the ones looking crazy. Women are expected to do so much for men. Cook, clean, take care of the kids, give him good lovin' whenever he wants it, dress up, keep your hair and nails done, etc. I know that there are high maintenance women but typically the list is not near as taxing as what is expected from us on a daily basis.

Anyway, that's not the only point I want to prove so we're gonna keep going.

We have had A LOT of Hollywood women or women connected in some way to Hollywood men come out about their experiences with sexual assault. Do you think the general public asks first how she is coping or why he did that? NO! The first question is 99.9% of the time, "why did she wait so long to come out with it?". Now, I am not naive enough to think that none of these women are after money and attention because some are. HOWEVER, regardless of how long it took her, you never know what trauma and pain she had to bear to get through the situation. Then, to come out publicly and get criticized for a man attacking her is disgusting. Also, how do you know that there were not attempts privately to get a resolution but it was not happening so she went to the public because that gets things resolved?

Along the same lines men rape women, the woman gets hounded about what she was wearing. I am so sorry (not sorry) that you are not mature enough to keep your hands to yourself because you saw my thigh. It is not an invitation...it is my outfit. Women do not get dressed to tell you if we want sex or not. If boys were taught this at a young age maybe we wouldn't have this issue. Instead, they see in the media, women being told that they should have worn long pants in 100 degree weather instead of shorts and the "man" being excused from his actions.

The last point (because I could go on about this forever) was inspired by this:

Whenever boys shoot up schools the news makes sure they let us know how terrible of a life that he had, basically justifying his MURDERS. We're not going to address the racial part of this issue right now because that is whole 'nother rant but NEWS FLASH: GIRLS GET PICKED ON TOO!! The girls don't go shooting up the school.

You know why females are better communicators than males? Because we are taught from a young age that girls talk, boys don't listen, and boys "just communicate differently than girls". No, boys also need to be taught to communicate their feelings in an adult way and not use their aggressions to communicate and expect girls to just understand. Communicating is not a female thing. Emotions are not a female thing. We all have them. We are just socialized from a very young age how to experience and express them differently.

I have prayed from a very young age that God protect my children from these ideas that the world thinks boys, children, young people are just going to do. I don't want a son that is treating girls and eventually women like trash, dogging them out, lying to them all the time, and cheating. This change starts at home. Stop raising these little boys to think everything they do is fine. It's not. If you want your daughters to grow up and be able to date/marry a wholesome man...start raising wholesome men! When are going to stop accepting that these things are just what men do and make them take responsibility for their actions. Men, if this doesn't apply to you stop letting your friends be f*boys and hold each other accountable. Yea, it make go against yall's little "man code" but the man code is majorly flawed! It is way past time for our male counterparts to start acting as grown as they like to proclaim to be and do things differently.

Step Up!

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