"Boys will be boys"
I don't think there is another expression that annoys me more than this. I don't know who started this, but I hope we see the day when this changes.
So, why is this an issue? Well, these little boys grow up to be men that believe their behavior is always acceptable.
I don't know about you but I mostly hear "boys willl be boys" when it is behavior that impacts women negatively. It starts with boys and the way they play and as they get older it applies to him being flirty or handsy with girls or being able to "play the field" while girls are discouraged from dating multiple guys to explore their options as well. Well, allowing that while they are boys, grows them into men who think these things are okay and women are supposed to just adjust (i.e. ride or die syndrome).
Don't believe me? Watch this.
I have seen a couple of videos over the past couple of weeks about men cheating and I want you to watch them closely and listen to what is being said.
Video 1: The beginning of the video shows Jeff Johnson, who is known for providing relationship advice among other things, basically saying that he cheated because he married a "meanwhile chick". Derrick Jaxn, who was previously known for gaining a large female following by calling out men's toxic behaviors.
2022 Update: Derrick Jackson had a big "scandal" after this where he embarrassed his wife having her be the laughing stock of the internet as he held her hand on a video admitting that he cheated on her several times. Interesting, huh?
Before I weigh in on the video here is video 2: A clip from Steve Harvey's talk show.
In both videos I agree with the points that men never seem to take responsibility for their own actions. It is always what the woman did wrong or could have done differently. Now, Jeff kind of tried to admit his own fault but only for marrying her - never was it that he should have ended the relationship, it came off as a justification. Steve tried to clarify his words at the very end of his video but if you listen at 3:30 he says that if a woman is not giving him 3/3 things in a relationship he is going to cheat. Once again putting the blame on her.
If you know me you know that I love R&B singer Sevyn Streeter. Well, on her 2015 album, Shoulda Been There, Pt. 1 she features a lot of interludes that involve conversations amongst herself and her friends about different relationship topics. On one of the interludes she asks how many times a man should be forgiven for cheating and her male friend responds, "Infinite" very intently. Do you know how furious I was when I heard this?! But this is really what some men think. That they should be able to do whatever they want to a woman and she is supposed to continue forgiving him to prove that she loves him. And don't make him jump through any hoops to prove his love! "Didn't I say I was sorry?!" "We talked about this already." "Why can't you just let that go?!" The minute she does anything wrong...out the door he goes, either leaving the relationship or cheating, with her being the reason.
Guys are expected to be given time to play. A "fear of commitment" is a normalized thing in our society. Monogamy and commitment are spoken so spoken negatively about so much amongst men. They get taunted for being "whipped" when really it's just loving his woman the way he is supposed to. Boys are taught about marriage in a way that it's like a plague but it is embedded into girls' heads from birth basically that marriage should be a priority for her and she is groomed for being a good wife from the beginning. When do boys get taught about being good husbands? Even good boyfriends?
We have had A LOT of Hollywood women or women connected in some way to Hollywood men come out about their experiences with sexual assault. Do you think the general public asks first how she is coping or why he did that? NO! The first question 99.9% of the time is, "why did she wait so long to come out with it?". Now, I am not naive enough to believe none of these women are after money and attention because some are. HOWEVER, regardless of how long it took her, you never know what trauma and pain she had to bear to get through the situation. Then, to come out publicly and get criticized for a man attacking her is disgusting. Also, how do you know that there were not attempts privately to get a resolution but it was not happening so she went to the public because that gets things resolved?
Along the same lines men rape women, the woman gets hounded about what she was wearing. I am so sorry (not sorry) that you are not mature enough to keep your hands to yourself because you saw my thigh. It is not an invitation...it is my outfit. Women do not get dressed to tell you if we want sex or not. If boys were taught this at a young age maybe we wouldn't have this issue. Instead, they see in the media, women being told that they should have worn long pants in100 degree weather instead of shorts and the "man" being excused from his actions.
The last point (because I could go on about this forever) was inspired by this:
Whenever boys shoot up schools the news makes sure they let us know how terrible of a life that he had, basically justifying his MURDERS. We're not going to address the racial part of this issue right now because that is whole 'nother rant but NEWS FLASH: GIRLS GET PICKED ON TOO!! The girls don't go shooting up the school.
We are taught from a young age that girls talk, boys don't listen, and boys "just communicate differently than girls". This is true that we communicate differently and boys also need to be taught to communicate their feelings in an adult way and not use their aggressions to communicate and expect girls to just understand. Communicating is not a female thing. Emotions are not a female thing. We all have them. We are just socialized from a very young age how to experience and express them differently.
I have prayed from a very young age that God protect my children from these ideas that the world thinks boys, children, young people are just going to do. I would hate to know that my son is treating girls and eventually women less than what they should be, dogging them out, lying to them all the time, and cheating. This change starts at home. Stop raising these little boys to think everything they do is fine. It's not. If you want your daughters to grow up and be able to date/marry a wholesome man...start raising wholesome men! When are going to stop accepting that these things are just what men do and make them take responsibility for their actions. Men can also hold each other accountable. It is way past time for our male counterparts to start acting as grown as they like to proclaim to be and do things differently.